And THAT is exactly what i felt like was happening...... complete destruction. A little dramatic? maybe. The truth? definitely.
It is no secret how we felt about Springville. Springville was our forever home. Springville was where we were putting our roots. Where we had been so welcomed and instantly fell in love with everything about it. Nate and I were constantly having the "somebody pinch me" moments. We just couldn't believe we had fallen in such an amazing place. We thought if we ever moved it would be years down the road, but still in the Springville area. We had our cutest Johnson clan less then 60 seconds away. The people we called were friends were solid, amazing people. EJ had more friends than she knew what to do with! We had the best neighbors. I couldn't have hand picked better people. We loved our ward. We loved being so close Costco :) . We were in heaven. We honestly had uttered the words "You couldn't pay us to leave this area".
Then, Nate was given a job offer in Idaho Falls. At first we thought we would never even entertain the idea. But, there was something familiar feeling behind it. It is hard to describe. There was something about it that felt right. Then as we started looking into things we were led by tender mercies and knew everything would work out. From the point of the job offer to about a month ago i felt numb. Numb and that everything was in fast forward and i was just watching everything i loved about where i lived {my friends, my home, my job, EVERYTHING} just slip out of my hands. The week of the decision was seriously one of THE WORST weeks of my life. That is all we talked about. We'd fall asleep talking about it..... and that split second, as my eyes opened first thing in the morning, the thought i remember having daily was 'Please let this be a dream. i don't want to make the decision'. It was horrible. I felt sick. But as we did the things we knew to do in a situation like this, the comfort came in the answer i didn't want. I had received confirmation before nate but i was NOT going to be the one to talk him into it. I couldn't do it. The day of the decision came {we had been up until about 3am the night prior} and he was going to turn it down. I suggested him giving it 2 hours, then to call me. 2 hours later he called and said he had been unsettled and upset. I then suggested to plan on accepting the job and give it an hour. Depending on how he felt in that hour would be our answer. An hour and about 5 mins later i received a copy of email of him accepting the job offer. He said the peace he felt in that last hour was undeniable. He went from one extreme to the other almost instantly. We had felt that same peace once prior in this process but then Nuskin counter offered and we had a new decision to make.
I don't know why this was our road. I wish i did. It would make this so much easier! Emersyn has struggled. She is always telling me just how much she misses her boys.... and that she is their sister and needs to live by them. It absolutely made her day when she'd see the boys in the hall at school. and they treated her like a queen! I am so grateful for the time I had with Trent and Lindsie. I feel so lucky to have developed the relationship we did with them. Words can't describe how bad i miss seeing them..... having them stop by for a quick second..... having those boys ride their bikes over and show up at my door.....Sitting in Sacrament meeting and seeing one of their boys smile at me through the crowd.... Sitting in Sunday School with my amazing brother and his amazing wife! Trent was the first to offer help with anything! When nate would travel Trent would come over at night and make sure I was OK and safe.... and leave me a taser. Lindsie would always invite us over for dinner. and the help she was while i worked was UNBELIEVABLE. She made it possible for me to work. We loved heading up the canyon together {pretty much weekly in the summer time} for dinners or smores. We loved the sleep overs.
The day we signed our house away I was heartbroken. My heart hurt. I cried. I cried and cried and cried! OUR HOME was no longer our. This was somebody else's forever. Not mine.
Later i will post on the sale of our 1004 home. But from that moment to the moment i type this, i live from one tender mercy to the next. Those are what fill up my canteen to provide me water while i feel like i am in this drought. I know the drought will end. It will be/has been a long road. As we were getting ready to move ej would tell people " we are moving to Idaho BUT we are coming back to Springville someday". She would cry about leaving her room. Her yard. Her friends. I would tell her about meeting new friends. "I don't want new friends mom". I felt the same way! That is when i decided that i no longer could feel bad for myself and cry and cry! I needed to be strong for her. I had to put on my big-girl pants.
This has been THE HARDEST decision i have ever made.
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